Frustrations, revised.

I have made an observation which, while it does not seem to be universal, does seem to occur often enough that it's possible to make observations and draw conclustions about.

If you are dealing with people for no particular reason, you are probably fine.

If you are dealing with them because you have worked on something you hoped they'd enjoy, there is a small but significant chance that they will treat you as a doormat.

If you agree to meet for coffee, or go for breakfast, or watch a movie with someone, things are probably fine. Sometimes people are late or can't make it. They call. They apologize. They show up late and tell you why. They generally treat you, in fact, as if you were worthy of consideration.

Mostly this is true in other situations.

And then there are the times when you buy or make or spend time specifically on getting something ready for someone. And they tell you "this isn't what I wanted. Take it back and exchange it", or don't bother to show up for, oh, just a few hours and what could that *possibly* do to your schedule?

I cannot, I think, ever in my *life* recall this happening with someone who agreed to meet me somewhere just to hang out. It honestly does not happen most of the time. But if it *is* going to happen, it happens when you've offered time or money or effort, and somehow in the process demoted yourself from "person I'd like to spend time with" to "lackey here for my convenience".

When you try to do more for someone, and thereby become less to someone.